Hello fellow Angel Mummies!!
Not been on in a while....but I am WANK today - and that is generally how I arrive on this playing field, angry, and full of bitterness.
So I'm not preggers. Nope. Even a CBFM for all it's expensive glory could not help me conceive. But NOW even worse is the fact my period has gone AWOL. Yup. 4 days late but a rebel without a cause. Bastard thing. And the longer it is on it's cruise of the world, the longer I can't try again.
And so whilst I am feeling like the worlds biggest FAILURE as a woman, my very, very BEST friend (I have mentioned her here before) has had....dun dun durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr:
a beautiful little girl, Ava Rose.
Of course she had a girl. And proceeded to tell me how amazing and beautiful she was. And I have tried so hard to feel happy, and shut my own feelings out. I wish I could be 100% happy. But little girls make me green with envy. I should have a little girl here with me. I wish I could tell you how I was happy for them, and mean it truthfully.
But... I just can't stop these terrible feelings of jealousy that they get their happy ending and I don't. Why am I the failure? The letdown?
Why my Lucy? Even if I have been an evil person (I don't think I have?!?) Why take my little innocent?
I am going on holiday to get rat arsed.