Friday, 6 November 2009

Fuck you Mother Nature

That's all I have to say really. Today, in the words of Paul Whitehouse, "I are been mostly feeling.........pissed off".

I was perfectly pregnant for nine wonderful months. Everyone commented how well I looked, how radiant, "How BIG!", "Pregnancy suits you", "You look blooming"....

...please, keep the cliches coming!

Then one day, my wriggly, wiggly little girl stopped moving. And my whole world turned to shit. I have a perfect nursery that, once more, is being turned into a dumping ground for our life junk. I have a buggy, I have a car seat, I have baby clothes, a baby bath, a cot mobile, a baby monitor.

No baby though.

I had a baby. But I lost her. I hate that phrase, it makes it sound as though I put Lucy down whilst I looked for the car keys and then forgot where I had put her.
A couple of months ago I was massive, plump, bursting with a healthy little girl. But I couldn't keep her alive, my body let her down and she suffocated.
She had masses of hair, long blonde eyelashes, long legs and MASSIVE feet! Just like her Dad. Her skin was soft, her fingernails were perfect. She was my wonderful little daughter. this is Lucy:


  1. She is so very beautiful. I will never understand why this keeps happening. Why isn't someone out there doing more about it?
    I'm so sorry and will throw another huge FUCK YOU at mother nature as well.

  2. Lucy is so bautiful. I wish that she was still here where she should be.
    ((( hugs)))

  3. Amy, she's so beautiful...I can see you in her face.

    You *have* a baby. She's just waiting for you in heaven. I know that's not comforting right now, but she's not gone.

    I love you!

  4. What a beautiful baby. I'm going to add her to my list of butterflies, if you don't mind.

    I hate the universe too. I wrote a similar post about giving my middle finger to the universe. Hang in there!

  5. Look at all that hair! She's precious!! :) I just hate that she's not with you.

  6. What a beautiful little girl and amazing hair.
    I'm so very sorry. xo

  7. She is just adorable! I am so, so sorry that she is not with you. It must seem like you are living in a nightmare that never ends. Much love -


  8. Lucy is incredibly beautiful. I am in awe, she is so perfect.
    I've been thinking of your baby girl ever since i first read this blog.
    I'll keep Lucy in my heart forever, she is truly precious.

  9. Lucy is very beautiful. She really does have a lot of hair! I'm so sorry you have to endure this.

  10. Amy, I have a picture for you. Please email me with the subject Lucy. Thanks!